Embracing the chaos- how to keep running through the summer holidays
This week, as we start getting into last week of term territory, I’ve been thinking a lot about the messiness of running during those summer months, when normal routines fly out of the window as you try to juggle so many other responsibilities. I’m also reminded of how hard it can be for us as runners when we want to stay consistent but we also don’t want to miss out on those magical moments of summer.
Last week I got into my car and started driving to my “usual” mid-week run spot, my husband assumed he knew where I was going, I knew this because he barely lifted his head as I walked past his office on my way out.
Something stirred inside of me as I merged onto the busy motorway, the sun still low in the morning sky, and I found myself asking “does anyone really know where I’m heading right now?” This stirring was a long-forgotten feeling and an inner voice whispered, “why don’t you run somewhere different this morning?”
I mentally scoured the map of the local area- races, routes and possible options popped into my head and I thought, how long would it be before anyone actually noticed that I hadn’t come home at my usual time? I even eyerolled myself as I questioned my sanity, was I slowly morphing into a stereotypical caricature of Shirley Valentine? Craving adventure, wanting to return to the self that I used to be, remembering how I used to disappear for days on end without a backwards glance. In those younder days, with zero responsibilities, I was desperately trying to satisfy an innate impulsivity that, over the years, has been squashed by a combination of people pleasing and societal conformity (then I realised I was too old to compare myself with Shirley Valentine, I googled “her” and apparently she was ONLY in her 40s when she felt invisible and unfulfilled and fled to Greece!)
Back in the car, I drove straight past my usual turn off and headed East, goading myself, come on Verity, have you got the guts to go all the way to Brighton? No, those guts have well and truly disappeared and instead I turned off towards a much safer distance from home. I parked up on the water’s edge, plugged my music in and just ran, feeling the freedom of my footfall as I listened to my breath, the tension leaving my body.
This was what it was all about, an hour away from the noise, from the constant ping, ping that vies for my attention, this was running borne from passion, not from pressure.
I felt a teeny tiny bit of that younger self emerge, and I found myself smiling fondly at a sudden emerging memory of my dad’s speech at my wedding, nearly 30 years ago now, as he (affectionately, I think) regaled our guests with the trials and tribulations of being my parent, comically telling the wedding party that I was never where I said I would be, how both my mum and dad dreaded the house phone ringing in case it was me, once again trying to explain how I was now in Newcastle when a couple of hours earlier I said I was just going down to the local pub for a quick drink.
A lot of women I know are holding up the sky, navigating ‘having it all’ - you know, working, caregiving, holding all the emotional and mental load of the family “admin” whilst also trying to squeeze in their training, and it’s especially harder as the demands ramp up during the summer holidays; but
“Running offers a space for mothers to momentarily reclaim the self beyond the caregiving role.”
If you’re in the thick of that right now, or know you’re about to be, how do you keep running through the summer holidays? You might be feeling overwhelmed, possibly even claustrophobic, as the training plan stares at you from the fridge, how on earth do I do it ALL? And when we’re knee deep in demands, it’s easy to catastrophise and wail “this isn’t how it’s supposed to be” because we have this ideal, this notion that when we get our shiny new training plan, that this time, this plan would be perfect, I’ll tick off those runs, it won’t get messy, it won’t feel like I’m going backwards…
I don’t have all the answers, but I have learnt a few things from both from going through this myself as the primary caregiver with two kids and a husband away for long periods of time, and as a coach to a lot of parents, especially mums.
What I tell my clients now is this- let the chaos in.
Let the chaos in, take a deep breath and just embrace it. Have a plan for when the plan doesn’t go to plan! If you let go of the perfect plan you allow yourself to be intentionally flexible - there are many ways to pull off a plan.
I’m not talking about just winging it and hoping for the best, it’s about having strategies that can be adapted in the chaos, acknowledging the reality and limitations of the situation. It’s not burying our heads in the sand believing that July behaves the same way as January, and then beating yourself up when it doesn’t, it’ll be ok, funnily enough nobody wants to go to the beach for an ice cream in the middle of January!
We know we’ve got to try and “trust the process”, we see this a lot, along with cherish your time with your children, time flies by; in the blink of an eye, they won’t want to spend any time with you, enjoy it while you can…. But doesn’t this just add to feeling guilty? Feeling as though every second of every day needs to count for something because one day, apparently, you’ll miss “mum, where are you?”
An approach I suggest for planning your weekly runs during periods of total chaos is to think about what runs are non-negotiable, what run would be a bonus run if you get a window of opportunity and what can you still do even if everything implodes.
For example, if you’re training for an Autumn marathon, your non-negotiable run could be your long run, a bonus run could be a 30 min run, and if everything implodes a walk with the kids on their bikes/scooter or a 20 min yoga session in front of the TV is absolutely good enough.
Have a bit of a forward glance of what the next 6 weeks look like, what do you already know that might get in the way of your running, family holiday or visitors, how could you adjust your running plans around that now, rather than getting frustrated later on?
You could involve the kids in your session/workouts or split long runs into a morning and an evening run - embrace the intentional flexibility, learning to be creative with your time is a real skill, let’s ditch this idea of perfectionism and please drop the guilt.
Choosing family fun, sitting and savouring an ice cream over a 6-mile progression run, is a real skill, and one that has taken me many years to master.
Sometimes I tried to squeeze my life around my training plan and not the other way round. I’ve spent many family holidays trying to fit training runs around the family, especially in those early days of running, feeling desperate to cram everything in but failing. I would end up being mentally exhausted and I’d beat myself up for not following the training plan to the letter. The guilt would add up, I’d feel fat and sluggish, my brain convincing me that missing a few days would mean I’d never be able to run EVER again!
But of course, that’s simply not true. So allow yourself to let go of the perfect plan of how it’s all supposed to go. It doesn’t exist anyway, and embrace as best you can the real one which includes flexibility, self-compassion, slow days, beach days, BBQs, ice cream and messiness; there will be days when you’re able to taste the freedom again, feel the adventurer returning and wonder why you ever thought Shirley Valentine was sooooo old!