How do you know when to give up running?
Last Monday morning, as is the norm, our recovery group run set out to enjoy those feel-good feelings that often accompany us when we complete that first run of the week. As we eased into our rhythm, our peaceful, meditative footfall was suddenly disrupted by a member’s voice behind me as she blurted out “Verity, when do you know when it’s time to give up running?”
I took a deep breath, this is a big question, and one that should be answered with care, compassion and with a completely unbiased attitude (because as you well know, I don’t think anyone should give up running over everything else). My member’s comment was so perfectly timed as it also coincided with my eldest daughter, 7 weeks post-partum, who is very gently easing back into running, whilst also trying to juggle family life.
And so I found myself asking why is it that running is the first thing to go when life gets tough and messy? And when do you know when to hang your running shoes up?
Of course, there isn’t a straightforward answer, but, and again this won’t surprise you, I don’t think anyone who enjoys running should rarely give it up. I do think there are times when a pause, or even a pivot are essential, and normal so you can future proof your running so we call all run into old age!
So often we don’t pause though do we, but if you’ve got a chronic injury that won’t go away or a medical condition that makes running unsafe, sometimes a pause and/or a reset is vital in the long run. I also think a pivot is important if running is making your mental health worse, you know when you cross that line, (unfortunately we often don’t know where it is until it’s too late) and running becomes obsessive or guilt-ridden or linked to body image struggles, basically if running causes you more anxiety than relief.
We know that running motivation is a fickle friend, and although we think our bodies should feel the same way day in day out, they don’t and this reality often impacts our levels of motivation. But if you start to dread every run, or you’re snapping at loved ones or detached from your goals – this is a very clear sign that something needs to change, that an adjustment to how you train might be needed, or maybe a shift in your goal. Oh but this is so much easier said than done, BUT, trust me, even a small adjustment is better than chasing, chasing, chasing to prove all the doubters (and I know you can still hear the voice of your old PE teacher telling you that you’re “just” not sporty), so please don’t throw away your identity as a runner, and start selling all your running gear on Vinted! A pause does not mean you’re not a runner!
I’ve had my highs and lows in running, in fact last Thursday, after telling my daughter I couldn’t look after her newborn so she could go for a run, because, well, it was when I’d planned my run (I know check me out saying no to my adorable grandson), in the end I had to cut my run short because after the first mile, I had nothing in the tank and had to walk. It was a beautiful morning, I took my headphones out, listened to the birds and felt the sun on my face. I sat on a log in the woods and just breathed, and it was what I needed because sometimes life is messy and chaotic.
I’ve learnt that when this happens to me, I don’t automatically think it’s the end, but why do so many people think that running should be the first thing to go when life gets busy? What’s really going on under the surface?
So, here’s a thought, do we think running “feels” optional? We know it isn’t, we know that it’s part of who we are, and more importantly most of the time we enjoy it, yet when the responsibilities pile up, do we subconsciously “triage” our time and running is the thinh that’s most likely to get the boot. Is doing something for ourselves seen as a luxury, do we frame running into a “just” that can be easily dropped, because everything else is so much more important, than, well us?
And even more so if there isn’t a big event to train for, (there’s nothing like signing up to a marathon when you have a household full of teenagers!) so our “just a run” can be fitted in later in the week… but it never does, does it, it’s kicked over to another day, and another, and another, and before you know it you’ve not run again for another week.
And it’s not “just a run”, because running involves quite a bit of executive function, there’s planning your running kit, timing when you’re going to eat (which can interrupt family time), thinking about a route, planning for the weather, and thinking about your safety.
If you have a busy brain, especially one that is under so much other stress or overwhelm already, then all these steps can feel exhausting, and your lovely brain then says “we need to protect energy” and does a very good job of convincing you to stay in which is sometimes why it’s easier to leave your trainers by the front door, and have a bit of a sit down.
We’ve now got the added mental pressure of this “hustle culture” we see all around us on social media, thinking if I can’t do a proper run, then what’s the point in even putting your sports bra on, comparing ourselves to everyone else we’ve seen online (is it just me but unless you’re winning 3 x 100k trail runs this year after recovering from something awful can you even call yourself a runner?)
But we forget that sometimes even doing 10 minutes is enough.
Running doesn’t scream for attention does it, it quietly whispers in your ear so no one else can hear it, BUT we all hear the kids and their activities, we hear the deadlines, the emails, the pile of washing up/dirty clothes, everyone and everything else is so BLOODY noisy, why doesn’t running shout at us! We need running to shout at us.
As a women/wife/mother/grandmother, I’ve been conditioned and taught to prioritise everyone else. When my children were small I had an arrangement with a neighbour where we would look after each other’s kids so I could go to my running group, I suppose it was easier for me as my husband was away a lot so I just had the 3 of us to “look after”. My life has go so much busier than it ever was, as it has for a lot of my running friends- I used to have free time, but now grandchildren have come along, with the added guilt of being asked “what are you doing…….?” Yet again, running feels selfish and indulgent with this added layer of caregiving. It takes a strong woman to say no to looking after grandchildren, especially if there isn’t a job to hide behind.
I personally feel the hardest part in all of this is, us Gen X women have raised Gen Z/Millennial women, who are super excited that our daughters have taken up running, we’ve raised them to be independent women, but has anything really changed for either of our generation, we still both have these gendered expectations, and whilst the pressures for our daughters is similar in structure, it is shaped by a different context of performance pressure that we haven’t experienced.
I recently read this which I think is brilliant, “Gen Z are trying to rewrite the rules while still carrying the weight of the old ones!” Aren’t they just, oh and their asking us to just look after their kids while they do it!
As a Gen Xer, we’re on the sidelines of this hustle and comparison culture, we’ve got skills that enable us to put our phone down and stop scrolling, hopefully recognise the signs of irrational comparisons with fitness trackers, pace stats and social media workouts. I have dipped my toe into posting the “fast, productive, aesthetic and post-worthy” run, but seeing the ridiculous image of my frozen, sweat free forehead soon snapped me out of both post run selfies and Botox injections!
As I write this, is it even a wonder that either generation manage to fit running into our lives at all, what with no visible progression, feeling like you’ve to run up a mountain with a broken leg all whilst looking fabulous, sparing an hour to shuffle round the block to clear your head can all feel like a massive waste of time in an already overloaded week.
Please don’t give up running, have a look around you and see what else is going on, it probably isn’t the running that is the problem.
p.s I’m sat editing this piece one handed whilst jiggling my grandson to sleep so my daughter can “squeeze” in a run!