Under Pressure
I just love running! Even after all these years I’m still learning, still reflecting and still tweaking training plans, adding ingredients in, taking ingredients out, just like a well-loved, well used handed down recipe. And when those stars align on race day, it literally is the best experience ever.
Of course, it takes time, it takes practise, it takes failure, sometimes it takes many failures and lots of tears; we aren’t machines or robots, we are individuals with our own stories, our own baggage, pressures and expectations and we need our own recipes.
The more I run, the more I coach and the more people that I meet, the more I am convinced that running is 97% down to mindset, 3% to physical capability. Experience counts for a huge proportion of how a runner performs, research suggests that elite and high-level athletes have an increased pain tolerance compared to non-runners and being able to tolerate pain doesn’t happen overnight, we all have a pain threshold - when pain begins to be felt, but pain tolerance is when pain begins to be unbearable. The art of knowing how to bear this pain is inextricably linked to performing well in running, we all feel pain, but our mindset can make a difference to whether we bear this pain and succeed or succumb to it and well fail. And of course, what success and failure looks like is also an individualised matter.
Success for me personally is being able to challenge myself, keep a consistent pace throughout a race, finish stronger than I started and finish being able to walk away with some grace and dignity. Running is too important to me to break myself chasing PBs, I want to be strong, ironically this is my superstrength.
In October 2021 I ran Liverpool marathon, the last time I ran a marathon was in April 2014, I know how hard and demanding marathon training is, but I felt ready to take on the challenge yet again. I was running 50 miles a week, 2 strength and conditioning sessions a week, I’d stopped drinking and the time just felt right. I knew my training plan was missing speed sessions, I was worried that adding this to my plan would be too much, having learnt at my cost in the past so time was not a real issue.
I’d also entered Paris marathon, which was 6 months after Liverpool, running 2 marathons in 6 months is not something I’d usually advise but Paris marathon holds a special place in my heart, so this was my challenge.
My training went well for Liverpool, but I put pressure on myself to do it “right”, it was all in my head, it wasn’t real but to me it felt very real. I’m not a huge fan of being tracked during a race, but RunVerity had lots of runners running Liverpool so I knew there would be a buzz of excitement and anticipation as we all crossed the start line. Our support crew at home would all be cheering us on virtually and wishing us well.
The plan on the day was for me to start of my own, but I got caught up in the party atmosphere at the start, the bands were playing, we were allowed to mingle again, it had been a while since large races had gone ahead and I didn’t really want to be alone.
BUT I went out too fast, ffs! What do I say to all my runners, don’t go out too fast and what did I do? I told myself it would be ok but with the pressure I’d put on myself to do it right, to get the pacing, of being the coach just choked me.
I dropped back but my head just lost it, every step was painful, every other runner around me annoyed me, the 2 girls “jeffing” and chatting, the people just walking across the paths in the parks, the empty, lonely streets as we left the main city, where were all the bands we were promised? I convinced myself that I didn’t need to run this race, who needed a medal anyway, I hate medals! Where was my husband? If I’d had a phone or seen him, I would have stopped and got him to take me back to the hotel, I was hating it so much.
At mile 20 I ripped the chip timing off my number, I didn’t care that people would be worried about me, I just had to take the pressure off. It did ease my anxiety a little, but it didn’t make the last 6 miles any easier. Experience had taught me that it would end, and I dug deep, and I did finish. There was no whooping across the finish line. And the first thing I said to Hannah once I’d finished was “How do I remove this from Strava?” closely followed by “I’m never running a marathon again”
Fast forward to this last Sunday, the race couldn’t have been more different, the training was the same, 50-mile weeks, strength and conditioning, still no alcohol, still no speed but most importantly I took the pressure off myself. I had a plan, my running buddy Jason agreed with my plan, and we ran together. I wanted a negative split; the first time I ran Paris in 2008 I achieved a negative split before I even knew what it meant, I wanted to feel that naivety of running again, with no pressure, I wanted to feel the pure joy of just running because I could.
The atmosphere was electric, again a party feeling, I set off 20 secs slower than my overall race pace, I eased into it, ran one mile at a time. I whooped at the French firemen and clapped the live bands, but I also concentrated, I listened to my body, dropped back when I felt myself increasing my pace until I was in the second half of the race. It was hard, running marathons isn’t easy and I had to dig deep for the last 5k. It hurt but I knew that I could tolerate the pain, I knew that I had to suffer to achieve my goal, I knew it would end. This time I felt no one was watching.
The images below show the difference in paces, the left-hand side is Paris, the right-hand side Liverpool; you can see the difference in the start and the finish, and you can see where I choked in Liverpool. Physically I am the same person, my overall heart rate and the overall average pace is approx. the same, the finish time is slightly quicker for Paris but what made the difference was my head.
So, if you are feeling pressure in your next race, try not to let the pressure choke you, try to just run it because you can, as if no one is watch. If the pressure gets to you, learn from it and move on, we are not the end product just yet, we have plenty of time (hopefully) and plenty more runs and races to do.