When running turned into a “frenemy”

Running has been my best friend

Running has been my best friend, my most loyal companion; it has been there through thick and thin, when times were tough and when I felt I had nowhere to turn. I thought we had an unbreakable bond but recently that bond started to unravel, slowly at first, I didn’t really notice the threads of our friendship separating as there wasn’t a huge bursting break. The burn was slow as the hostility between us grew until it no longer could be ignored.

Our friendship started to unravel

Of course, the signs were there, the feelings of dread rather than excitement at the thought of heading out for a run. The magic began to fade as every run felt like a chore; I competed with tiredness, with niggles, feeling deflated, frustrated, and flawed. 

The “frenemy”

Every run felt like a battle, perpetually in combat against a “frenemy” who whispered behind my back, who no longer celebrated my achievements, instead putting their needs before mine, “resting is self-indulgent, races had to be run!”. Often, their cruel criticism was masked as helpful feedback, their mumblings grew louder, more raucous, garishly talking only about themselves, basking in egotistical hollows of falsified achievements on social platforms. 

We used to be inseparable

I ignored my feelings, my gut was telling me it wasn’t quite right, that there had been a shift, that I needed to cut them out of my life.  Running, my buddy, was no longer someone I recognised. I cried, we used to be inseparable, we were proud together, we celebrated our success and achievements, they helped dissolve my worries with every mediative step, and we faced challenges head on with grit and determination.

Toxic? Pressure?

Perhaps our relationship became toxic with the pressure I piled upon myself; the constant need to meet milestones, achieve personal bests, and compare my progress with others.  I’d lost the simple joy of running for the sake of running, and what for? the pursuit of superficial goals?

Friendship Rekindled

Like any relationship, we had to confront our issues head on; more tears, some candour and a fair amount of soul searching but, our friendship fully rekindled at the Yorkshire Marathon, not quite were it all started, but where our foundations were first cemented.

And it was with each step of this run that I rediscovered the love and pure joy of running. Maybe it was the familiar landscape or the comforting chocolate aroma of my hometown, the Chocolate City, that gave our friendship a new strength, but it wasn’t long before I realised, I’d left the deadweight of expectations on the start line. In the end, my friend and I just needed some time, and some patience to remind us of why we became friends in the first place.