Why Some Runners Keep Going & Others Quietly Stop

Motivation isn’t the issue

I have a trusted, well-thumbed “go to” runner’s handbook that was my bible when I first started running and coaching. As I sat down to write this piece, I dusted this old faithful from my bookshelf and went straight to the chapter dedicated to motivation.

This was opening sentence of the chapter read

Do you need better reasons to continue than excuses to quit?

I wrote it down, under my “working” title and thought to myself…if only it was that easy.

So as we head into (yet!) another week of January (will this month never end), I wonder how many people who, excitedly started their new running regime on 1st January, are already saying to themselves, “I’ll go tomorrow…” already berating themselves for not having enough grit, self-discipline or determination to keep running.

I know in the world of self-development there is a tendency to think of motivation as something you either have or you don’t, a bit like being either ‘sporty’ or not.”

It’s this idea that motivation is an individual responsibility and that if we have enough of it then it will just override everything else.

But I think motivation is shaped more by how we experience what’s around us and how this then makes us feel.

Why do people stop running?

I think there is a huge expectation on “motivation’s shoulder” and I’m not sure it was ever meant to do so much of this heavy lifting all on its own.

Because, let’s be honest, running is often uncomfortable, it’s really visible and it’s often boring….there I said it!

On top of this running can bring up old narratives of self-judgement, and a big old dollop of unprocessed pressure or trauma; I’m sure most of us can relate to some kind of past PE-related experience that’s still buried deep within us, until we have a shit run.

Running asks so much of us; put up with discomfort, to be seen (not at our best), to manage our thoughts without spiralling when things get difficult, to keep going when progress feels slow and to keep sane when we compare ourselves to EVERYBODY ELSE!

Despite all of this, we sign up to novelty races to feel part of something, download a new plan, create a new “runner” identity or set a goal that’s months away on the calendar.

But the novelty soon fades, the buzz soon dies down and before you know it running starts to feel like another stressor to add to your list.

And yet again you find yourself sat on the periphery wondering why everyone else can do it. You frantically search for your “mojo” and decide that you’re not cut out for running because you’re missing a huge piece of the personality jigsaw.

This is the moment people stop running, not with the same dramatic announcement that shouted about you starting running, no, it’s often a much quieter, less theatrical, hang my head in shame, kind of way.

I think we should start looking at the bigger picture stuff and offer a kinder reason for why people really stop running.

Instead of internalising the reasons, let’s zoom the lens out and look at what strategies are needed to support someone’s running that haven’t been put in place. Because no amount of Instagram motivational quotes about post-run coffees, well earnt chocolate cake, improved mental health or emotional regulation will cut through the noise when you CAN’T JUST DO IT!

When people say they’ve lost motivation, I’ve found what they really mean is that the enviornment/strategies that supported their motivation have disappeared…quietly.

We rarely talk about these reasons because they feel small, insignificant or silly to name, so instead, we internalise them and believe the faults lie within us.

So, when runs feel hard, confusing, or you can’t find any evidence that you’re progressing, it’s not just physically tiring, it chips away at your confidence.

You stop feeling capable.

Or you lose your sense of choice, a plan that feels too rigid, or you’re scared of bending a “sacred” rule (slow runs make you slower, every run needs to be fast) and suddenly running feels like something you’re failing at rather than choosing.

Then there’s the bit that we rarely talk about. You lose a sense of safety or belonging, it could be a group you no longer feel part of. A comment or a look, a conversation, a pace that’s too fast or a fear of being the first to walk.

None of these things on their own feel like a “good enough” reason to stop running, but together they matter.

Because all of these can change from moment to moment, from situation to situation, and when these supports start to wobble, motivation becomes incredibly fragile.

And if running starts to feel more emotionally draining than rewarding, your nervous system does exactly what it’s designed to do. It protects you, and it finds ways to pull you away.

So no, I don’t believe the problem is that any of us need to find more motivation, I think we’ve relied on this idea for far too long.

I think some people stop running because something they needed choice, confidence, or a sense of belonging, quietly disappeared.

And so they did.

What Helps You Keep Running?

You might be looking at your trainers right now, arguing with yourself about whether you should go for a run or not. But before you metaphorically beat yourself up, I want you to pasue and ask yourself

“What would make me feel safe enough to go for a run?”

You’ve read that motivation is often unreliable if the emotional cost of running feels high. So, if running currently feels like pressure, judgement, proof or another thing you could fail at, then your nervous system will resist the run in it’s aim to protect you, even if you want to go.

If you’re on the edge, wanting to step back into running but not knowing quite how to do it, old fears of failure, narratives of “not being motivated” then the biggest risk you can take is bringing all those old expectations along with you.

So that means ditching expectations of PBs, pace, distance or what you should be able to do because this time last year…..

I’m not saying it’s easy, but on Saturday I went to a parkrun, it wasn’t my local one, I knew I didn’t want to risk the chance of see anyone I knew ,so I travelled out of my local area.

My driving force was my desire to be with other runners, I needed to feel like a runner again because there have been many moments over these last few months where I haven’t. And I needed to feel safe, physically, psychologically and socially, all of these were important parts of my rehab journey.

I reframed the narrative of achieving a PB to achieving a NP - No Pain.

That was my only goal, and this mattered more than anything that my watch told me, (I succeeded!), it was also another step in my running journey. Because that’s what this is, a snippet in time of how I returned, safely to running.

Yours might be a different reframe -

• getting back home without feeling worse

• stopping before it turns into a battle

• running for 5 minutes and walking the rest

None of these options are compromises, they’re more about protecting yourself by not soley relying on the mystical magic of motivation. I’m hoping that any of these safeguards help you, in some way, to feel good about your running again.

Because a run that ends with “actually that was okay” is doing important work and you really don’t have to decide anything more than that, no big decisions, no major events to enter, just building trust to feel safe to keep going.

I’ve mentioned the term safeguarding and whilst we know what this means in an education or employment setting, I feel it’s a vital framework that needs to be applied to running.

For me, it’s about protecting that version of you that still wants to run, so instead of internalising any perceived failures through environments or situations that are out of our control, think about what you need to enable you to feel safe enough to keep going.

Let me know your thoughts on this? Can you relate?