This time last year my world fell apart when my Mum passed away after a short but fierce battle with lung cancer.
Whilst all mums are great she was my great. Having supported me though a messy divorce. She was the one person who stood by me whilst I battled the depression of losing my family, my home, my business, my friends and eventually my self-confidence and self-esteem.
I spent 6 weeks off work after she passed, at this time Nicola (the new and improved Mrs Wilson) became my rock, allowing me my tears and tantrums of pain and lose and tending me in my broken state. Putting aside our battle with IVF which had been raging on for 9 years in which we had sold our home and our souls in the emotional turmoil.
After 4 months of grieving Nicola suggested that we start back on the journey to start our own family. To improve our chances though she wanted to be as fit as possible and to do this she wanted to get back into running with RV and suggested that I should attend to support her.
Begrudgingly I agreed although I had always had the same mind as my mum which was.. “if you need to go that far then why not take the car!?!”
I was unhealthy well over weight and not interested in running but still to support my wife in her endeavor to get fit I went to my first run. I remember asking on the way to the session how far the run was. When Nicola replied 3 miles I started to panic looking for excuses to return home.
I made it round but something else happened on the route of that first session. For the first time since mum’s passing my brain paused. It paused because I was concentrating on breathing. The stillness which the run brought me inspired me to come back again. I trained not just to exercise my body but to relax my mind. I pushed myself and began to enjoy the sessions. Thinking I was a runner at this early stage I suffered the “terrible toos” (too much, too soon, too quickly) and I remember the frustration of not being able to run, as much because of the mental relief it gave me.
Running became meditation, a change to stop all the noise which life was throwing at me. 5k became 10k at my first race in Eastleigh in March 2017. Something I know my mum would have chuckled at me doing. One 10k turned into two, then three and suddenly The Great South Run!! Training got more serious but still proved the mental pause from life.
All of a sudden Nicola stopped running. To both our surprise the final IVF implant was successful... we are having a baby!! Due 21st March 2018 a year since my first 10k.
With Nicola stopping a dilemma approached. I still suffer with a lack of self-worth and belief in my own abilities. So to attend a session without my shield was a bigger step than running in the first place.
I have good days and bad days so forgive me if I’m not talking whilst running sometimes. Know that the encouragement, support and friendly environment of RV have reminded me why I love exercise and inspired me to believe I can achieve goals which I thought had passed me by.
I now look forward to sessions, and keep signing up for races including Pieces of Eight, GSR and my new big challenge the Gosport Half!!
Fitness has been my b byproduct; my reward is a mind in control of my emotions. If you start a journey don’t expect it to lead straight to your goal, enjoy the journey and breathe.